Change Through Gratitude
My earliest memories of gratitude take me back to reading as a child. I have always been a lover of books and remember reading many nights as a young child with a flashlight under the covers. I couldn’t read with the light on because my parents would be able to see the light, and I was supposed to be sleeping. I shared a room with my slightly older sister who would tattle on me if I kept her awake. Thus if I was to read, undercover reading was a necessity. While the content of what I was reading I no longer remember, I can still feel the joy of reading.
As I began to write this article on gratitude my first thought was to check out how the dictionary defined gratitude. It states.
· Gratitude is, "The state of being grateful, warm and friendly feeling toward a benefactor; kindness awakened by a favor received; thankfulness."
While I agree with the definition, it still doesn’t quite capture my own experience of gratitude--something was missing.
So next, I initiated a search for quotations about gratitude. The quotations below resonated with me. The first made me aware that gratitude has been a topic of conversation and writings for many years. The second rang true for me because it takes away having to receive from outside oneself before one can have gratitude.
· "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." Marcus Tullius Cicero, Roman orator, politician and philosopher, c106-43bc.
· "When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude." Gilbert K. Chesterton, author, 1874-1936.
· "The aim of life is appreciation; there is no sense in not appreciating things; and there is no sense in having more of them if you have less appreciation of them." Gilbert K. Chesterton.
I don’t claim to be an expert in anything, except my own life. And I have learned that no authority exists on my life except me. So what I share with you is taken from my experiences and may or may not ring true for you. Only you can determine what truth, if any, we have in common.
I was raised in a family of five, two parents, one older sister and a younger brother. It was a typical, hard working, no nonsense kind of upbringing. When I was first born, like all new born human babies, I was totally dependent upon the adults in my world. I was taught to work hard, respect others, and take care of others. I was taught that others, especially adults, knew what was best for me. So obedience was expected as a child. It was wrong to want what I couldn’t have. I should be grateful, because others were less fortunate than I.
I was the first in my immediate family to graduate from college, but it was not until after I graduated, was married and the mother of two that I suddenly became aware I had not a clue to who I am. I only knew myself in terms of how others described me. Thus began my adult journey seeking the answers to the question “Who is Bonnie, and what does she want to do with her life? This search has now spanned over thirty years; many affirmations written and spoken have led to my accepting total responsibility for my life, who I am, and what I am being.
I have learned that no one makes me do, say, or be anything. If it is in my life I am the author, the creator. If I have created the experience and the response, I have the power to change my experiences and my responses. I learned that what I resist persists. By resisting I keep things I don’t want present in my life.
Now I know that many of you are feeling right now that this can not possibly be true because you would never create the hardships you have in your life. What we don’t realize is that our unconscious feelings and thoughts can be as powerful as our conscious ones. In my experience, it does not matter why I feel a certain feeling. I can still choose to change that feeling by replacing it with feelings of joy or feelings of light-heartedness. I have learned to own my feelings and emotions; instead of saying someone may me feel a certain way, I have learned to observe how I was feeling and make a decision to continue to feel that way or make another choice. My feelings tell me how I am being: I am glad; I am sad; I am mad; I am grateful, etc. So when I am feeling out of sorts, I remind myself to be grateful. As I focus on those things for which I have gratitude, my feelings shift to that of love and joy. My life is what I am being. So I determine whether my life is one of gratitude, one of sorrow, one of abundance, one of scarcity, etc.
Our lives are like an onion--we have many layers. So as I began to change my way of being, the change didn’t seem to last. I had to constantly remind myself that I had been on automatic pilot for most of my life with my thoughts and ideas dependent upon what others thought. So it was perhaps unreasonable to expect that these ingrained habits would disappear over night. That’s why I feel affirmations and living in a state of gratitude are essential to change. Genuine change is a choice made over and over to replace the old program with updated information. As old habits peel away, another layer of onion is exposed with more habits to shift. We developed the Token of Change™ as a constant reminder that we must be committed to changing our world, and to do that must choose over and over to focus on gratitude.
Your answers are within you, and it takes a lifetime of living to discover yourself because you are always changing. We hope that you will use the Token of Change™ as a tool of conscious change. As you do, I would encourage you to consider the effect that gratitude has in your own life. To learn more about how an attitude of gratitude can transform your life or to schedule an introductory life coaching session with me, visit www.WellofGratitude.com. In the words of Chesterton, "The aim of life is appreciation. When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude."
Bonnie S. Lloyd
